Imagine you just found out that one of your children or family members is ill. You are already overwhelmed with everything you have on your plate and a wave of stress washes over you. Does the idea of turning to this person in your time of need bring you comfort and support?

This could be anything. Maybe it is about the stresses that you have been dealing with at work or issues that you have with friends or family. It doesn't matter what it is, it just matters that it is something that is concerning for you. Whatever it is, you talk to your partner about the problems in your life.

Imagine that there is something that comes up in the context of your relationship that bothers you. It doesn't have to be something big— for this scenario, let's say that they don't put the sponge back on the sponge dish after they wash the dishes. In this case, you would just talk to your partner about it. Same goes for the big stuff —having children, how to raise them, finances, where to live—these are all things that you would talk over with your partner should they come up.

Think about the moments in life where you might depend on this person. Maybe it is accompanying you to an event, showing up at a doctor's appointment, or even just being on. time for a commitment. In these scenarios you don't doubt that your partner will show up; you count on them to be there for you when it counts.

You may feel put on the spot or put off when this person asks you something about yourself. It could feel safer for you to keep things to yourself and when you do find yourself in a deep or intimate conversation with this person, you find yourself getting uncomfortable.

There can often be things that go on for us beneath the surface of our relationships. Maybe it is doubt, fear, or anger. Let's say you are feeling hurt because it seems your partner has not be present lately. They are on their phone during dinner, something that they never used to do. This may be bothering you but you prefer not to say anything about it or how you have been feeling.

You might find yourself questioning your partner's love for you, perhaps replaying things they said or did as evidence that they don't love you as much as they say they do. It may feel like no matter what they do, that doubt persists. You have a hard time believing that their care for you is genuine.

Fear of abandonment can show up in unique ways for all of us. You may worry that they will meet someone "better" than you and leave, that they are not as committed to you as you are to them, or fear that they will end the relationship for a myriad of other reasons.

You may feel like you are the one who is putting more into the relationship; that you love your partner more than they love you. These thoughts can lead to you feeling worried about the state of your relationship. You may fear that if you put more in, or continue putting in effort and care, that it won't be reciprocated.